So, that is probably a little part of the anxiety I felt as Nancy and I stood in the attorney's office this past week and signed our wills.  It was then that I was personally reminded of why it is sometimes so difficult to get people to take care of that essential detail of family planning.  When you put an ink pen to a piece of paper that legally describes what you want to happen to all of your stuff after you don't need it anymore because you are dead and gone then, suddenly, everything is brought into a little sharper focus than most of us like to keep it.  We all know that death is out there on the horizon waiting for us.  But, why put a telescope on it and look at it up close?

Well, soon after we finished signing the documents that describe who gets what, I found myself on the street heading back to the only reality I can do much anything about.  I've settled my relationship with God.  I have deep peace that when I take my last breath here, because of my relationship with God in Christ, I will take my first breath in heaven.  I don't know for sure what all that means but I have deep peace about it most of the time.  What is I do believe is that my eternal situation has been settled because of how much God values me.  Dying, the process of getting from here to what we typically call eternity, isn't an issue I can do anything about.  Most certainly, I will not get to choose the time, the place or the manner of my death.  Like the people who died in the horrific crash Saturday morning near Texas stadium, I wonder if it will come suddenly and in a way I could never anticipate or if I will have immediate warning and time to prepare.  Who knows?

What I do know is that I am going to die.  The only real question I can answer is how I am going to live between now and then.  And, that is not a question of how much God values me as much as it is a question of how much I value God and those He has given me with whom to make this journey between now and the time I meet Him face to face.  How much God values me has settled my eternity.  What leaves my life in a state of flux now is the never-ending debate within myself about what I really value most.

In the scripture we have read this morning, Esau and his brother Jacob bring us a snapshot view of the values-based undercurrents that shape nearly every single decision we make, big or little.  Indeed, I felt them this past weekend when I went golfing with some of our couples.  I found myself, in the middle of the game, asking myself, "What in the world am I doing here?"  Of course, I'm certain that some of those golfing with me were wondering the same.  Nonetheless, those undercurrents of struggle about values leave our lives in a daily state of flux as we debate and answer and redefine what we really value most.  Undercurrents that are at least two in number.

First, how does one learn to live a balanced life?  Esau had a problem.  His current needs outstripped his current assets.  It was not that he was a man without resources.  As Isaac's first-born, he was set to inherit the lion's share of his father's estate.  It was just that he was not going to be able to lay his hands on that money until his dad was gone.  He was hungry now and how to eat now was the question that most concerned him not whether he would be able to enjoy his retirement years.  "I am about to die; of what use is a birthright to me?"  So, he made a fateful choice that, according to scripture, not only altered the course of his life but of world history.  He sold his inheritance for one meal.  When, having asked for a bite to eat, his brother countered with the offer, "first sell me your birthright," Esau forked over his future so Jacob would give him a fork for the night.  He was willing to sell out his future for the most pressing need of the moment.

In some ways, Esau was typical of what so many of the World War II generation fear today about the generation they raised.  They know that if you give the average seventy-year-old, say, $10,000, that one year from now that seventy-one-year-old will still have every dime of the principle plus the interest it earned.  But, if you give the average thirty-year-old $10,000 next week there will be a new boat in the driveway.  It seems that some things don't change as the centuries pass.

But, who can really blame Esau?  The man is hungry.  I suppose I have my doubts that Esau would have really died that day as he claimed he would if he didn't eat that moment.   But, unsatisfied appetites have a strange way of leaving us passionate for many things that are not ultimately healthy.  And, only those who have really been hungry can appreciate what it is like to be willing to sell nearly anything if it will satisfy the hunger screaming the loudest to be satisfied.  Esau wasn't that unlike nearly all of us.  Whether you think he made a good choice or not, here was a man struggling with the question of how to balance the needs of the unknown future against the known needs of the very moment in which he is drawing breath.

Family values are measured in terms of struggling with that question in nearly every choice we make.  How you choose to answer that question is a matter of what you really value.

We have all grieved the passing of Cynthia Mabry this past few weeks.  It is a terrible loss felt most acutely by Richard and his family.  But, we have all been deprived of a life still in full blossom.  Which is part of what makes the whole story all the more tragic.  Cynthia suffered her death just three weeks after her retirement.  But, the redeeming factor in all of this is that Cynthia seemed to have found the balance for which we all struggle.  Here was a woman who lived until she died.  I mean, she really lived.   To be able to remind Richard at Cynthia's memorial of what he already knew was of no little comfort.  That when Cynthia died she left no business unfinished, no love left unexpressed.  If nothing else, here is a woman, and a man, who have taught us by example what it means to have faith in God for the unknown future while living as good stewards of the only moment in which we draw breath.

Which brings us to the second undercurrent of struggle that shapes every choice we make.   Learning to choose what we value.  In the Sermon the Mount, Jesus says, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."  (Matthew 6:19-21)  It was His way of saying that values don't happen, they are chosen.   And, once chosen, our values shape our destiny.  Our hearts, and therefore our behaviors, ultimately follow after what we choose to believe matters most.

None of us can find it within the framework of rational thought that the University Park father would have murdered his wife in front of their children especially, it seems, because he feared what their impending divorce would do to his financial and social status.  But, Jesus has warned us.  Once you compromise what is of ultimate value, there is no way of knowing what you will do to protect your investment.  So, while it is true that few of us would ever think to do harm to another human over money or status, is it not true that fights and arguments over money have destroyed more than one home in other ways?  And, the truth is that when two people destroy each other over money, what they are proving is not how much they value money but how little they value each other.  Long ago I came to believe that disagreements over money are really, in the larger picture, disagreements over values, of which the use of money is only a symptom.  Jacob may have been a sharp businessman in that he got the deal of the century, Isaac's wealth for one bowl of soup.  But, he wasn't much of a brother in my book.  Had he been a brother he would given his brother something to eat without making him pay a dime.  In that he leveraged the deal to his brother's disadvantage he proved what he really valued.

Jesus has said that only by choosing to value what is of eternal value can we truly value that and those with which and with whom we make this temporary journey.  On the flip side, to fail to make that value judgment will, in time, affect the way we relate to those around us in ultimately selfish ways.  How do people tithe and give beyond the tithe and more?  How could they possibly spend that kind of money now instead of socking it away for the future?   Only when they have chosen to value what is of ultimate concern over what is of immediate concern.

Which does bring up the subject.  If this church is going to change her course and achieve her commitment to ministry in this place, more and more of us are going to have struggle again with the question of what we ultimately value and make our financial investments accordingly.

When I was a little boy, my parents started giving me a fifty-cent per week allowance.  But, at the same time, they handed me an offering envelope and taught me how to fill it out.   I can still remember writing "five cents" on the outside of the envelope and then putting a nickel on the inside.  I doubt seriously that my $2.60 offering to the church each year impacted its budget.  I have no doubt either that learning to give at that level started shaping my values well into my adult years.  To this day, I cannot spend one dime without thinking of how that reflects that value judgment.  If you are having trouble tithing, may I make a suggestion? Start with a nickel a week.  You might be surprised where that choice leads as it reshapes your values five cents at a time.

And, where it all leads is the crux of the matter.  How we spend our money is a spiritual matter.  And, as we spend it our values are shaped.  Ultimately, our values are determined by where we choose to make our investments.

Someone once told me that if you want to know what a person values then watch how they spend their time, how they treat people and how they spend their money.  It seems too simple to be true.  But, I've watched in unfold in my own life.  It's true.  My relationships, my calendar and my wallet all mirror what I really value.  It's something to think about, isn't it?

No one will have to wait and read our wills to see who we loved most.  All they need do is observe now how we live.  The truth is, whether our families are of value to us or not is already evident.  Indeed, by reading your calendar and watching your wallet, God knows what you value.  Do you?